maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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