We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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