I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
