i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
