I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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