Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
