K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
