I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We need to get me chipped asap
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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