Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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