But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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