I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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