So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
