3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
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