I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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