I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Randomize
