When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Randomize
