I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
