if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
