you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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