i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
