I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
