So drunk its hurt
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
