So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
