this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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