Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
