The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Are my feet made of real feet?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
