woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
