my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
My balls are so social today.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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