she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
