I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
