I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
