Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
