Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
