Please, let me fuck your mom
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
