i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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