Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
