i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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