weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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