Plan B is the new Plan A
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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