There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
