the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
