Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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