I think I died a long time ago.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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