Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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