If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Semen is not good for contacts.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
