it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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