yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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