I hope mine doesn't look like that
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
