I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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