OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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