i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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