porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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