I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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