I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
