I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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