Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
