It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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